Since 1 November, I've been making stuff at a more relaxed pace. The ideas keep flowing and I keep putting them down on some substrate or other. It feels good. I feel alive. I feel engaged. I feel like I contain multitudes again.

On the dissertation front, it finally clicked that I have learned some things during the past few years. I suppose that the accumulation of knowledge while writing is so immense, so concetrated, and so specialized, that it's difficult to quantify. Bitterness and exhaustion also probably colour my vision. What is that massive pile in the corner? Most likely some worthless shit.

As I clean up my Burian chapter (WHY didn't I write my entire dissertation about him? WHY?), I'm surprised at the information and connections that I'm adding. I found it disturbing on Saturday when I realized that I'm non-chalantly spouting off about Aristotelian poetics and wondering how I missed Burian's digs at it before. Geezus H., kiddies. I. am. an. expert. on. something. Writing still makes me brain hurt but in a good way. I don't dread the office as much as I had in the past.

Most importantly, I can see the end of the road. I'm going to finish and it's going to be awesome. Birds will sing. The sky will be brighter. Food will taste better. My hair will be shinier. I will have a fancy pants title that I will use because I. will. be. an. expert. on. something. Who cares if I'm an expert on Burian, about whom most North Americans have never heard? I care. Take that yankee pragmatism.

And now I am off to the library, which shall certainly kill my good mood. That place sucks.

There's nothing below the fold.


gwensmom said...

Well you could just start over with a new diss topic NOT!!

Odilon said...

Oh yeah, Ptichka would SO go for that.

georgeious said...

you can save burian for your next book. the one that will have PHD on the cover after your name. just becareful when asked "is there a doctor in the house?"

Kirsten said...

The blackbird is so great - Wendy will love it! Makes me want to try some silhouettes!

Odilon said...

G: "What kind of doctor would you like in the house?" Next book? NEXT BOOK? Dude, I'm only writing this one because it is too hard.

K: Thanks! Silhouettes are me not wanting to deal with shading.